Friday, May 04, 2012

Lump in My Throat

Do you ever go back in your calendar to remember what you were doing exactly a year ago? Yes? No? Well I do when I'm feeling nostalgic. Especially when things are so much more different now. I like seeing change in my life.

Well a year ago, I was crying in my tea over Jeffrey Kline. He'd just left for a month, and I was convinced he hated my guts. Knowing he'd be gone for so long, I was sure he'd forget about me. I was hoping that after all the time we'd spent together up until he left, that we'd at least have some sort of "what is this exactly?" conversation. But nothing like that happened, so I reacted fearfully and talked myself out of holding tight to the virtues of patience, graceful waiting and God's perfect timing. Instead, in what felt something like grief, I let him go.

What I didn't know is that at the time, Jeff was feeling very similar, but took a different approach. He didn't let go. Which is why we're married now.

Good approach.

Well now a year has gone by, and I'm Mrs. Kline. And I'm in love with my best friend. But he's gone on the road again, all because of his wonderful job. And I have this constant lump in my throat, missing him. I never would've guessed, a year ago, that this is what I would be feeling today. Yesterday he called to check in, and after some small talk, it's like he knew where my heart was. And he gave me the time to cry silently on the phone with him.

I'm not writing this because I want anyone to feel bad for me. Please don't! In fact, I don't understand comments that have that tone "It's just not fair you have to go through that 3 weeks into your marriage!!" because I know several of you amazing women out there who live with a traveling husband and have done it for years and years. And it's not like it gets any easier. I'm so grateful for Jeff's job/ministry and that he gets to put his heart and time into something that means so much to him. Thank you to everyone who has checked in on me - it means so much, and I feel completely covered and loved and WOWZERS I'm busier than I thought I would be. It's just that I miss my husband.

Looking back to last year I regret nothing, because it turned out amazing. But I am obviously in need of more trust for our future, and more believing for the very best. And believing that adventure isn't ever missing.

Jeffrey, my great love, you are amazing. Thank you for working so hard. Thank you for going on the road. PK was right, everything you touch is so much better, because you put your best into everything you do.

poolside on our honeymoon
our wedding day - March 23, 2012

5 comments:

constantandloyal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
constantandloyal said...

rose. this is exactly what i needed to hear. thank you for being so real, i remember this time last year. your patience has caused such an elegence of solid gracefulness and trust. cheers to more adventure than you EVER thought possible me friend. ever. i've got things to learn from my married friend. oh, indeed i do. hat tip to you!

Rose said...

Thanks Con! You were definitely there and apart of it all a year ago - Int'l Dance Competition!!! :) Love you neighbor.

Joyce said...

Rose, You are an amazing lady! From my perspective you already carry a level of trust and grace that is not common. Believe me, I know how hard it is to "carry on" while the hubby is away. But it is to your credit that you miss him so much. Your heart is fully given to him and that is something you never want to loose. I can already see a strong foundation of courage and grace that you are laying for the future generations of your family who will someday follow your lead. Love you!! XO Joyce M

Linda said...

Thanks for your transparency-it will bring courage to many. I have loved watching your growth in this last year. It has been inspiring and I LOVE watching you with that darling husband. Love to you- the other Mrs. Cline